Purist Pie Compliance Form (PPCF-0421-A)

Confidential Document – Purist Pie Bureau Use Only

SECTION A: Crust Integrity

1. Does the pie possess a bottom crust composed of recognizable baked grains?

Yes No It's complicated (please attach essay)

2. Is there a top crust?

Fully enclosed Lattice Streusel Missing in action

3. Crust-to-filling ratio:

Optimal (1:1) Uncomfortably gooey Dry dissertation

SECTION B: Filling Compliance

1. Is the filling composed primarily of fruits, nuts, or custards?

Yes No Something gelatinous with trust issues

2. Does the filling remain inside the crust when sliced?

Yes No Briefly

3. Has the filling ever appeared in a Three Stooges short?

No Yes Denies everything

SECTION C: Flavor Harmony Certification

1. Are all ingredients playing nicely with one another?

Harmonious Passive-aggressive Openly hostile

2. Is the level of sweetness:

Just right Cloying Existential

3. Does the pie contain mango and/or chocolate?

One Both Neither, but trying its best

SECTION D: Historical Compliance

1. Was this pie type served at any historically significant event?

The Mayflower voyage A state fair The moon landing (unverified)

2. Has this pie ever been used to conceal a file, key, or top-secret message?

No Yes Frequently

3. Has the recipe remained unchanged since the 1800s, or does it involve Ritz crackers?

Historically pure Modern mockery Approaching food heresy

4. Would a 19th-century American judge recognize this as pie without flinching?

Yes No He'd need a recess

SECTION E: Bureaucratic Affidavit

I hereby attest that all responses on this form are true, exaggerated, or at least delicious. I understand that non-compliance may result in further forms, long meetings, or worse—being mistaken for cobbler.

Signature: ___________________________ Date: ________________________________ Witnessed by: _________________________ (Optional but encouraged)